I think my vagina is haunted
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
