3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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