My first STD was from a foam party
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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