you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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