no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
