My liver just broke up with me...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
