Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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