yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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