I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
