you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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