I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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