So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
