i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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