Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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