Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
