I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
