I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize