OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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