Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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