This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
