I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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