We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
