Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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