apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
