I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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