You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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