i already hear my dad disowning me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
