why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
