Tell her she can't have a vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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