Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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