How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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