i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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