If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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