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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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