I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
