OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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