oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
