Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
