I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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