My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
