We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
