wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
