my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize