You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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