I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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