Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
