It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
