Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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