hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
