I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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