So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
