i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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