they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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