make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
