Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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