He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
