Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
