oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
