ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
