I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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