Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize