yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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